Quondam: Finished!

The endgames to computer RPGs inherently have what I call the “item creep” problem: the player has amassed so many skills and items that it becomes hard to balance things and keep the game challenging. Adventure game endgames also sometimes have trouble keeping up difficulty, but in the opposite direction: as items get used up, there are less and less of them that are possible solutions to a puzzle.

While some of Quondam’s puzzles start to succumb to the “try every inventory item” method near the end, there are still a couple of truly evil ones.

Via Retrogames UK.

Puzzle #1: The Striped Pole

I left off last time in a forest glade:

>NW
You are standing in a forest glade, full of trees except for a road south. There is a small cave nearby, boarded up, with a sign saying ‘Emergency only’.
There is a red and white striped pole standing vertically here.

>U
You are perched on a pole (and look VERY silly)!

Before how I explain how this one is solved, I need to mention another item, a “strange lamp”:

>ON
What do you want to switch on?
>LAMP
The lamp gives one large flash.
You’re blinded fatally.

I tend to make an object list as I play to help solve puzzles, but I had left one off. I had a blind spot (ahem) based on a false assumption. I assumed that this portion of the game was just a gag:

>SAVE
A legal gentleman appears, saying ‘We do not like your use of ‘save’. There are few places we cannot reach, so please avoid trouble.’ He vanishes in a cloud of smoke.

>SAVE
The legal gentleman returns with two persons who are definitely NOT gentlemen, who beat you up. You knock the dark glasses off one but you are near death when they leave.
A pair of dark glasses lies here.
You are in agony.

Even though this normally kills you, you actually need to go through with this scene because you need the dark glasses to avoid getting blinded by the flash.

It turns out the glade is the only place you can suffer the beating and survive:

>GET GLASSES
OK
Just as you are dying, a man in a white coat runs out of the cave, pulls you inside and cures you.
You are in a dingy shop belonging to the local apothecary, barber and mortician, judging from the certificates plastered on the wall. There are racks which once held sunglasses, empty herb bottles, and coloured postcards over the cracks in the wall.
A wheezing apothecary wants payment.
A small white capsule lies here.

One extra bizarre aspect: in trying to solve this I was googling red-and-white striped poles in the UK because I assumed there was some extra meaning to them, like with the British Rail sandwich. However, due to all the modern elements, I was looking for 1980s-ish interpretations. I never thought “doctor” which would be appropriate for a medieval version of the same symbol. This wasn’t exactly a “continuity error”, but this felt to me like the bird from my last post being near and far at the same time — being rescued from a beating by the Mafia from a medieval doctor requires a bit of chronological confusion.

Puzzle #2: The Cards

The most truly frustrating item in the game might be some “decorative cards”. >PLAY CARDS in a random location will cause them to just disappear when they hit the floor. Later you find a green felt table, and playing the cards causes this to happen:

>PLAY CARDS
A sorceror appears, snatches the cards off the table, says ‘..even cheats at solitaire..’ and vanishes.

I definitely needed hints here; I might be bold enough to say 99% of the players needed hints here.

>SHUFFLE CARDS
OK

>SHUFFLE CARDS
OK

>PLAY CARDS
You deal four cards and see that they are the 3 of spades, the 5 of hearts, the 4 of diamonds and the 2 of clubs before they all disappear!

This puzzle might be remotely fair if it was a “new” deck of cards, since new decks of cards tend to be unshuffled. There was other no reason at all to assume the above actions were necessary (you do need to shuffle twice; shuffling once will cause the same sorceror scene to happen).

Puzzle #3: The Horse

This puzzle exemplifies more than anywhere how the game abuses the notion of being your “eyes and ears”.

After getting below the Kitchen from last time (not too hard, once I had the repaired sword) …

You are in the kitchen of Beelzebub’s restaurant, full of imps preparing revolting food. The smell of sulfur and roast flesh catch at your throat.
A roast ox is turning on a spit.
A goblin is coming, the light gleaming off its many eyes and claws!
A ring is set in the floor.

… I came across a scene with a demon, followed by another with a troll. Solving for the troll left me in this position:

You are in a room covered in carvings. There is a large hole in the roof far above you and an exit south.
A stone troll stands here.

I was completely stuck here, and it turned out I needed to use this item:

There is a small silver figurine of a horse here, with a square hole in one side!

I assumed later I would encounter something “squarish” that would fit. But no: it was an item I already had for most of the game, a small key:

>WIND HORSE
You place the key in the horse’s side and wind. The horse grows and you drop it, as it turns into a living winged stallion!
The horse stares at the troll, fascinated.

Allow me to chronicle the unfair:

1. The small key is described as just that. There is no implication it is a “winding key” or has a square end. I think the game must have thought a “hint” was the fact “unlock” isn’t even a word in the game.

2. Speaking of verbs, “insert key” or the like doesn’t work. The only way to operate the horse figurine is with the verb WIND.

3. The horse-winding works anywhere, but usually results in “The horse seems unafraid and flies off.” There’s no particular reason to think that a stone troll would cause the horse to be more afraid than anything else. (This one isn’t as bad as points #1 and #2, since at this point the number of items that haven’t been used yet is pretty low.)

Puzzle #4: The Snake

This one was right at the end.

You seem to have ended up on Death Row. An iron maiden stands to one side, and gas hisses through vents. The roof seems to be getting lower!
There is a large electric chair here.
A mighty serpent lunges for you, its jaws agape!

>THROW FLUTE
The serpent eats the flute with no difficulty.
A mighty serpent lunges for you, its jaws agape!

This is after hitting the “I’ve used every item, haven’t I?” limit. The solution turned out to be very clever, enough so that I’m not going to spoil it here (if you’ve been following my posts, you should be able to solve it in the comments).

Ending Thoughts

>ON
What do you want to switch on?
>CHAIR
Your body (which was getting pretty battered, let’s face it) dies but your spirit is passed into a fine new body. You appear in an office full of mountain photos. A gnome demands the number of your bank account.

(This comes from the card puzzle I mentioned earlier.)

>5442
The gnome gives you your interest and returns your treasure.
You have scored 250 out of 250.
I’ve run out of problems. That means you’ve won (curse).. I mean well done!
That’s the end!
Would you like another game?

Let me record some hyperbole for posterity, then make some clarifications:

Quondam is the most difficult adventure game ever made.

I can think of certain adventures that rely enough on moon logic that random usage of objects is the only way through. This is harder than that! There are no near misses. If you don’t think to “WIND HORSE” or “SHUFFLE CARDS” you’re not going to get anywhere. This is in addition to the leaps required to utilize the save game feature as a puzzle solving method, or work out the “bank” puns, or handle the fact the game actively aims to describe items in a deceptive way.
Having said that, I’m sure there are some truly broken and terrible games that are harder to get through, but there’s a difference between broken and hard.

Should you try to play this? Well, I didn’t spoil all the puzzles, so you’re still up for an uphill climb if you’re up for it. I suppose it’s worth it for a glimpse into early 80s sadism that’s heavy enough I can make a claim like the one above with a straight face.